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Why it is crucial to discipline your child effectively

“When we go to the store this afternoon, you had better not embarrass me.” I remember hearing that statement from my mother, on a couple of occasions, growing up. It was her statement to me of her expectations. She did not want me to act up in front of others. Why? In part, because it reflected poorly on them!

If the truth is told, parents have many motivations for child discipline. No parent likes to be the one whose child is throwing a tantrum in the grocery store because they cannot have the candy they want. Or whose child cannot sit still and listen to their Sunday School teacher. Or whose child took a toy away from another child at kindergarten and made them cry.
 

But is this the main purpose of discipline, to have a well-behaved child in public? The answer is, yes and no. We do want our children to know how to behave in public. It is an important life skill to know how to act at the grocery store, and in church, and at school. In fact, these are crucial life skills. A child who does not understand how to act appropriately with others will have increasing difficulties as they grow up. So when one of your parents laid out the expectations about how you were to behave in a certain situation, she was a on to something important. But what was it?
 

The most important goal of parental discipline is to help your child develop self-discipline. You discipline your child because it is the only way for them to learn to discipline themselves. This is an often-overlooked function of discipline. If you want your child to learn to discipline themselves, you must impose discipline on them from the outside. They learn inner discipline through the external discipline they receive.
 

Think about it. How does a child learn to sit quietly? By being made to sit quietly. How does a child learn they cannot have everything they want? By not getting everything they want. What helps your child learn to play well with others? By learning that certain behaviors are unacceptable. By having external disciplines placed on them children develop inner restraints. They learn inner discipline by the external limits placed on them.
 

Parents who miss this crucial point do their children a disservice. No parent likes to tell their child, “No.” We love our children and want to give them things they want. But having everything they want is not healthy for them. For one thing, the world does not work this way. In life they are not going to get everything they want. They need to learn to adjust to this reality and the sooner the better. They are going to need self-discipline all throughout life. The sooner they start to develop it, the easier it will be for them.
 

What then is the right balance? How often should we say, “Yes” to our child and how often should we say, “No?” Child psychologist John Rosemond says that the proper ratio of “No” to “Yes” is about four to one. If you say “Yes” one time to every four times you say “No,” you have gotten it about right. I always remembered this when I was raising my children and found it helpful. A good parent will often feel like they are saying “No” most of the time, but don’t worry. Your child is not suffering permanent damage. They are learning that the world does not revolve around them. This is a good lesson and one of the most important ones they will ever learn.
 

The next time you feel guilty as a parent for saying “No” to your child, remember one of the grand purposes of discipline. Even when you say “No” for no apparent reason, something good is happening in your child. They are learning to do without something they want. They are delaying gratification. They are learning to adjust to life as it is and often will be. These are good life lessons and ones they will eventually be glad you taught them.

Why Parents Need To Understand Christian Theology

Why is it important for a Christian parent to understand Christian theology? The answer is unexpected but not surprising. The answer is that you cannot teach something you do not understand. If you are going to help your child obtain an authentic understanding of God, you cannot be at a kindergarten level yourself. The more you know about Christian belief, the better able you are to teach your child.
 

I have made several assumptions in this statement. One is that you as the Christian parent ought to teach your child about God. Most of us think it is someone else’s responsibility. The church is supposed to do it. That’s why we take them to Sunday School, and small group, and Vacation Bible School, and the youth program. That is where they learn about God!
 

Yes, but. Maybe they will learn all they need to know about God at your church. But what if they do not? Or what if they learn something that is not quite right? What if they whisper with their friend in the back of the room and don’t actually learn anything?
 

The truth is, it’s not the job of the church to raise your children in the faith. It is your job! That comes as a surprise to many Christian parents. We assume it is someone else’s job. We assume someone else is supposed to do it. We never even imagine that we are the people God has designated to teach our children the faith.
 

There is good news and bad news at this point. The bad news is that you, as a Christian parent, are the person God has given primary responsibility for passing the faith along to your child. I call that bad news because it sends shivers down the back of most Christian parents. They don’t feel equipped to teach about the faith. They hardly understand it themselves. How can they teach it to anyone else? Most Christian parents get nervous thinking about it even though their child is only 6 years old.
 

Part of the problem is how to teach your child the faith without it being awkward or forced. Perhaps you have heard about children who were forced to memorize scripture verses on Sunday afternoons before they could go out and play. For some people this is not a good memory. Is there a way to teach your child about spiritual things without it being forced? Or awkward? Or uncomfortable, either for you or your child?
 

There is, and that is part of what is discussed in Pass Your Faith To Your Child. One of the things that saying bedtime prayers with your child gives you the opportunity to do is talk to them about life, God, and Christian belief. It gives you a perfect opportunity to implant in them true beliefs about God and correct any erroneous views. But to do this, you need to understand Christian belief yourself.
 

As a Christian parent, it is tremendously important for you to understand the faith. Think about any subject. Would you imagine teaching calculus if you didn’t understand it. Or physics? Or world history? Of course not. But for those who understand these subjects, the task is not daunting. On the contrary, it is exciting (except perhaps calculus, although I understand there are some people who find it exciting).
 

So why not try to understand your faith? We learn about other subjects. Why can’t we learn about our faith? The answer is that we can and this is the good news. If we will give it a little attention and put out a little effort, we too can understand the Christian faith. It is not as hard as you think.
 

So the next time someone invites you to a Sunday School class, or small group, or a class about Christianity, get our of your comfort zone. Take a step of faith and attend. You may be surprised what you will learn and how it will nurture your faith. More than that however, you will put yourself in a position to be a better interpreter of the faith to your child. With this double benefit, isn’t learning about our faith a good idea?